PENNIES.
I ask you: What good are these little copper crappers? Other than making your hands smell bad when you touch them, collecting grime in my car cup holder, and providing endless hours of entertainment for America's youth by flicking them at each other from across the classroom, I really can't think of any other purpose that they serve. They are completely useless, especially in today's economy. Damn man, I gotta start saving me some money, better start holding on to my pennies so that after I save a HUNDRED of them I'm ONE FRIGGIN' DOLLAR RICHER. Give me a break!
"Seriously though, can I borrow your dust-buster? I want to clean my room."
Nope. But you can chuck a handle of fucking pennies into that sucker and they'll collect the hell outta that dust in no time!
And can we show Honest Abe some respect for Christ's sake? The man who's responsible for ending slavery, preserving the Union during the Civil War, signing a bill that chartered the transcontinental railroad, and countless other feats, is stuck on the shittiest, ugliest, most useless coin our nation's got to offer. I know he's got the $5 bill and all (which is the best $ bill), but let's not desecrate his legacy by making him face right for the rest of eternity on the goddamn penny.
Fuck off, pennies.
(Other notable spawns of the penny: Ex. 1, Ex. 2, Ex. 3)
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