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Monday, November 7, 2011

5 Things I Used To Love That I Now Loathe

The Boston Red Sox
Been saying it for years. Everything surrounding the organization is just annoying to me – the fans, the absolutely insane media, Papelbon, etc. Just look at that fucking picture for Christ’s sake! To be honest, the news I’m hearing lately about the drinking in the clubhouse is the sickest thing I’ve heard about the Red Sox in years. Oh shit, they like to party too? Now we finally have something in common! That picture is just irritating me so I need to stop talking about these assholes before I blow a gasket and smash my computer.


Pitchforkmedia.com
The experience and emotions tied to listening to Kid A are like witnessing the stillborn birth of a child while simultaneously having the opportunity to see her play in the afterlife on Imax. It's an album of sparking paradox. It's cacophonous yet tranquil, experimental yet familiar, foreign yet womb-like, spacious yet visceral, textured yet vaporous, awakening yet dreamlike, infinite yet 48 minutes. It will cleanse your brain of those little crustaceans of worries and inferior albums clinging inside the fold of your gray matter. The harrowing sounds hit from unseen angles and emanate with inhuman genesis.

Jesus Christ, GET OVER YOURSELF! This is an ACTUAL excerpt from Pitchfork’s review of Radiohead’s Kid A. And just one small excerpt from a completely ridiculous full review. We get it dude, you’re smarter and more cultured than us - so get fucked. Don’t get me wrong, Kid A’s a classic. But evidently when you listened to it, you saw a fucking dead fetus fuck around in the clouds on an Imax screen. So you’re definitely on a different level than the rest of us. And that’s why you work for Pitchfork. And that’s why Pitchfork sucks.


Kings of Leon
What the hell happened here guys? I used to defend the shit out of you and talk about how great you are - and this is how you pay me back? By becoming the Kings of Cock Rock? C’maaaaaaahn. Just another sad example of a great talent cutting their hair short and suddenly becoming awful, i.e. Eddie Vedder, James Hetfield, Dave Grohl, Anthony Kiedis, Keri Russell…this list could go on for pages. Dan Auerbach - you're on a real short leash right now.


The Real World
PSYCH! This show is still the shit. Danny’s hurting though.
Hey Danny, nice fucking decisions for this photo shoot guy! Duck-ass haircut? Check. Rosary beads around the neck? Freshly cropped flavor saver facial hair? Check. Friendship bracelet? Check.


South Park

I have multiple episodes just chillen on the DVR and I don’t have the energy to watch them anytime soon. What used to be a genius show has turned into a competition with themselves to see how quickly they can pump out an episode related to a current event that happened that week. And while I respect that idea, it results in shitty writing, repetition of the same sub-par joke and negative laughs. Haste makes waste South Park. Stop trying to be so fucking current and put a little effort into it!

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