In this new weekly installment we'll celebrate world heroes and how their contributions have bettered the live of billions. This week's subject is famed Paraguayan snake poacher Paul Sarone, who fearlessly commandeered an Amazon riverboat to hunt a 40 foot anaconda. Although he didn't catch the snake per se, Sarone achieved moral victory when his actions lead to the death of Owen Wilson. Some believe he is a hero from the future sent back in time to kill J-Lo and Ice Cube before their horrible "songs" and "movies" corroded our society. This was post Friday and NWA, so Ice Cube's only redeeming contributions would be spared.
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| "Go fuck yourself J-Lo. I hope you get strangled by a CGI snake" |
Big Paul came upon a boat of pussy documentarians and imposed his will. When the crew found him, he was hurting from a long night of killing bait monkeys and harassing native Amazonian honeys. He convinces the naive crew to head down river for a doctor, but he just want to catch him some snake. At one point, he turned down J-Lo's attempted seduction because he knew her snatch felt like a bear trap. He eventually dies in a blaze of glory and snake puke.
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| It smells like J-Lo's soul |
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