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Monday, November 7, 2011

Tough Guys are all over the place

I don't know if its just me, but I have been noticing a lot of tough guys out on the streets lately. Here are a few different examples to help you identify these chiefs if you are having trouble:

Irish Tough Guys
Irish tough guys are all over the place. For some reason it makes you tough if your great great grandfather migrated from Ireland. These tough guys think they're all of a sudden heavyweight champions of the world since their last name begins with an O and is followed by an apostrophe. Irish tough guys are fans of drinking and Notre Dame, since their mascot is Irish and fightin'. You might see a shamrock infused barbwire tattoo wrapped around their biceps or a shitty t-shirt/scally cap combo. Hopefully their freckly peans get kicked in by someone who has had enough of their shit.















UFC Tough Guys

UFC is a pretty shitty sport in general, and it seems that it is aligned with fans of butt rock concerts. They usually have a shit ton of tattoos and will most likely overdose from huffing paint or die in a fiery motorcycle crash. If they don't die, hopefully they suffer from an awful case of road rash for discipline. Peter McNeely would wipe the floor with most of these UFC douche bags anyways so you might as well watch boxing. In the meantime the Hurricane needs to knock these fanboys out.




















18-22 year old Sporting event Tough Guys
If you have been to a game lately, you definitely ran into the 18-22 year old tough guy. Most likely he was wearing a gold chain, sawx hat and one of his yankee sucks, Drink beer and fight, or Looch Crew t-shirts. They typically travel in packs and are always cocked off of a pint of schnapps, which leads them to crack shitty jokes and pick fights with everyone in their section for not getting loud when the loudness meter comes on the jumbotron. Someone will inevitably be fed up to the point of getting into a confrontation with the sporting event tough guy, and hopefully that person spikes the sporting event tough guy's head off some concrete.














Italian Tough Guys
Italian tough guys are similar to the Irish tough guy, all you have to do is add a gold chain, tooth pick in the mouth, gallon of hair grease, and a vowel at the end of the last name and you will have yourself an Italian tough guy/cockbag. These idiots have seen one too many New York Italian gangster movies and living in their parents basement well into their 40's. Italian tough guy will cruise down Revere beach parkway in a '96 Mustang trying to pick up some hosehound named Donna from Saugus and maybe score a bag of coke. If you ever get in a confrontation with the Italian tough guy just head butt him square in the face and jam a cannoli up his ass for good measure.


















-Hop Tough Guys

Hip Hop tough guys usually cruise up my busy street past midnight blasting the bass from some shitty overplayed song by that black kid from Degrassi. It bothers the hell out of me, but there is slight consolation when I hear their shitty civic that they paid to lower to the ground scrape the pavement from the pothole a little ways down the road. These assholes usually frequent overpriced clubs and pick fights after their third shot of "fahkin Patron, son." On the plus side, a lot of Hip Hop tough guys carry guns, so it is almost guaranteed that they will blow each others
brains out at some point.


3 comments:

  1. Dead on. Way too many McGillicuddys runnin around. I'm at training right now and some kid with a fake boston accent karaoked "Sweet Caroline" and yelled "Go Sox" at the end of it. He was wearing a Holy Cross Golf jacket. I almost shat.

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  2. So many killer Sully's tees. Great find!

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  3. The person that wrote this should get cancer

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