Fuck All This Mayonnaise

Mayo is the grossest fucking thing to ever fuck a sandwich, let alone touch some fries.  Today, while having an especially miserable day of work at my mind-numbing office, I looked forward to the delicious "goloco" burrito combination at nearby Boloco.  I ordered my usual mix of various meats, beans, and sauces and thought, "why don't I go fucking crazy and chuck some asian slaw in there? I'm a fan of asians and having nothing against slaw."  After schlepping through the homeless people and organic farmer stands in Copley Square, I pick up my order and skip back to the office ready to delve into my wrapped creation.  I take a bite and immediately taste some foreign substance that alerts by body to hit shut down mode--regular slaw.  A creamy disgusting mix of mayonnaise and cabbage (really? cabbage?) that your aunt's miserable friend would bring to a cookout because she hates food and life.  Anyone that knows me knows that I don't do mayo--it gives me the willies.

Coleslaw is Southern Slang for Regurgitated Bird Shit 

So I chuck the burrito in the trash and walked downstairs to the incredibly overpriced Blue Glass Cafe for a safe old Turkey Sang--the Chad Pennington of sandwiches.  It won't win you the game but it won't be terrible either.  Waiting in line..waiting in line...finally I'm next and the woman in front of me takes her order...then says "and can I have a chicken salad on wheat?"  NOOOOO.....now the knife will be gross for my turk.  Just as I suspected, the polite illegal immigrant making sandwiches took the knife, now slobbered with Mayonnaise and canned fish, and rubbed it all over the middle of my sandwich.  Fucking mayonnaise ruins everything, today is not my day!