Work Place Conversations That Make Me Want to Just End It All

MONDAY

– You: "Hey, how was your weekend?"
– Him: "Pretty good, but too short, yaknowwhadImean? he he he..."
– You: "Yea...I hear you..."

TUESDAY

– You: "How's it going?"
– Her: "Ugh my youngest Joey I've told you befoah that he has a sensitivity to certain types of choclate right? well anyways we thought he'd had whoppers in the past and it wasn't an issue but apparently maybe the malt choclate got to him because the rash he broke out in oh i can't even staht i can't even and my husband was of course away on business so guess who's left playin' nurse for the night and has to take him to the hospital and my gawd they just let you sit there and rot in that waitin' room for hours befoah callin' yah in don't they..."

WEDNESDAY

– You: "How's it going?"
– Him: "Oh, it's going"
– You: "Ha, yea...I hear you..."

THURSDAY

– You: "How's it going?"
– Her: "Is it Friday yet?"
– You: "..."

FRIDAY

–You: "How's it going?"
–Him: "Hey, it's Friday, ammaright???"

Cohutta Town - Pilot Episode

Cohutta Town - Pilot Episode

Written By

New England Potpourri

SCENE 1

EXT. SUBURBAN HOUSE - EARLY MORNING

In front of his bay window, Phil Persnickety, wearing a suit and tie, sips his coffee with a folded newspaper in his hands. He views a large moving truck pulling into the unkempt house across the street. In the overgrown lawn sits a sign that reads “Estate Sale.”

PHIL

Well, I’m upset to hear about the passing of old Mrs. Dustcrathers, but I can’t say I’m not happy about the prospect of new owners. I didn’t move to Sperryville to look at overgrown hedges and rusty pick up trucks!

JEAN

Oh, Phil, who could think about that so soon? Poor Mabel lived alone and had no help.

PHIL

Jean, please. The woman was ninety-five and her lot was a burden on all of our property values. I’m excited for a young upstart to move in and improve the lot like I did. And who knows, maybe we’ll have a new member of the investing club!

JEAN

Well, I heard from the Kensingtons that the house is staying in the family. Apparently she has a long lost nephew from Georgia that’s moving in.

PHIL

Mmm..Georgia.. that’s interesting. I’d certainly like to stick around but I’m already behind schedule and I have a big sales appointment with the rubber plant guys today. If it goes well, Bill thinks I have a shot at making assistant vice chair to the regional solicitor general of distribution. And with our big fundraising barbecue this weekend, I’m sure we’ll be the toast of the town. The guys down at the social club will be oggling our new Buick LaCrosse! Yes, Jean, things are looking up for the Persnicketys! I’m off to work!

PHIL kisses JEAN and steps outside. He gets into his 2011 Buick LaCrosse, backs out awkwardly around the moving truck, and drives off out of the frame.

END SCENE 1

Master of Your Craft

Master of Your Craft

RIP Robin Williams

Things That Chap My Ass #4

You are driving.  The side of the road that you are on has two lanes.  You are approaching a four way stoplight in the left-hand lane with the intention of going straight through the intersection.  The person in front of you seems to have the same intentions...UNTIL THEY THROW THEIR FUCKING LEFT BLINKER ON EXACTLY AS THEY REACH THE INTERSECTION AND YOU GET STUCK BEHIND THEM AS THEY WAIT FOR THE OPPOSING TRAFFIC TO CLEAR SO THEY CAN TURN AND YOU CAN"T GO AROUND THEM BECAUSE THE DRIVERS IN THE LANE TO YOUR RIGHT ARE CRUISING RIGHT THROUGH THE FRIGGIN' INTERSECTION AND THE LIGHT TURNS RED AND THE DUDE IN FRONT OF YOU TURNS AND YOU DON'T MAKE IT THROUGH THE LIGHT.

PGA Championship Weekend

Jack Nicklaus recently went on record saying he believes that Rory McIlroy could win 15 or 20 major championships.  I am with you, Jack.  I, for one, am hoping to God that this happens.  The PGA Tour needs it to happen.  Badly.

Why do we watch sports?  Or maybe it's better to ask the question "What are not the reasons why we watch sports?"  We certainly don't watch sports because of the Martin Kaymer's and Luke Donald's of the world (at least I don't).  We watch because of the 1982 Cal-Stanford band-on-the-field play, because of the Auburn-Alabama Chris Davis return TD, plays that we never quite expect to happen but always hope to witness.  We also watch to see mastery of one's craft.

Jack Nicklaus' 18 championships is why we watch, and the shriveled remains of the chase for Jack's 18 by the golfer formerly known as Tiger Woods was why we watched.  Whether watching to see records broken (Cal Ripken's Ironman record) or to see them preserved (2010-2013 Miami Heat, 2007 Patriots) the quest for the unattainable is so riveting and lush in entertainment value that we all choose to watch regardless of what side of the argument we fall on.  And that is why the PGA Tour needs Rory to fill the cavernous void left by Tiger's decaying body and fading legacy.

(And I need to digress for a minute here into Tiger's legacy, which is drifting into forgetfulness with every missed cut and new injury that pops up.  With the recent BioGenesis arrests, it seems like there's a more than reasonable chance that somewhere down the line a report will be released directly linking Tiger Woods to performance enhancing drugs.  Based on his lifestyle, his pompous, fraudulent image that he puts on for the cameras, and the injury bug that has now hit him hard as of late, not to mention his lack of major wins, there is nothing to deter my gut belief that Tiger was at one time on some form of performance enhancement.  Even if I'm wrong about that, Tiger's fall from grace still hits that same nerve deep within me when I think of Bonds, A-Rod, and McGwire.   Do you ever think back on the home run records set first by McGwire and then Bonds, and say to yourself, "Wow, what a wonderful, special thing that was"?  I don't.  As a sports fan, these moments should feel as special to me as the Auburn-Alabama come back game, or when Ripken broke Gehrig's Ironman record.  But instead they've lost their luster, like that Christmas gift that once made your universe as a 6 year-old, but now as a jaded teenager you can't quite reproduce that same special feeling you once had for it.  That is where the tale of Tiger Woods' is headed, into the cloudy, distant realm of all things that were once special.)

So, Rory.  You are why I am watching this weekend.  You just turned 25 years old in May and have three major championship wins, joining Tiger and Jack as the only others to win three by the age of 25. You are good enough to be placed in the same sentence as these two.  I am rooting and hoping for you to win your fourth major, and I will root for you to win every one you play in after that.  Please don't let us suffer through another Martin Kaymer U.S. Open again.  The PGA Tour cannot endure this.  Sports fans cannot endure this.  We want to see the pursuit of greatness, your pursuit of greatness.  And I believe you can achieve it.  Unlike Tiger, I believe you are genuine, that you have a respect for the game.  You've also already overcome a bout of adversity while you dealt with off-the-course legal issues last year and your golf game disappeared, something Tiger still can't seem to overcome.  You are capable of special things and I will be watching and hoping for you to be nothing short of that this weekend.

Wad Up