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Thursday, December 1, 2011

Kids These Days...



Whats going on with kids these days? There has literally been a Blowsah sized period flow of hazing deaths in a past couple of weeks.
Just to name a few.
I've been on both ends of hazing, so I know how things can get a little out of control in the heat of the moment. That being said, if someone DIES during your hazing ritual you're doing something wrong.
So here's a list of good ol fashion NON-LETHAL (sometimes homoerotic) hazing activities.
1. The Banana Poop - Instant classic, fun for all. First, place a peeled banana in the toilet. Proceed to blindfold some pube-less loser who will do anything to be your friend and make him grab the soggy banana out of the toilet. If done correctly the haze-ee will think he grabbed shit and begin to dry heave violently. To add to the effect, fart a few times in the bathroom beforehand.
2. Water or Vodka? This one works great for sports initiations. Have the participants play whatever sport it is that they're so desperately trying to become a part of. Every two minutes make them take a forced water break. The kicker is, half of the waters are filled with vodka (or piss, depending on how fucked up you are). This activity has hilarious results and most importantly, NO ONE DIES.
3. The Stripper Surprise! - Any hazing initiation isnt complete without a stripper grand finale. The stripper surprise goes something like this: have the strippers beat the new-comers with belts on their bare asses just like any other perfectly normal heterosexual male gathering. When it comes time to whip the "dinki's" of the group (every group has one, the weakling who is constantly the butt of all jokes) secretly pass the stripper a blunt object i.e. beer bottle, cucumber, ski pole, whatevers laying around. Have the stripper jam that object as hard as possible in the kid's ass. Kinda crazy, but trust me, the crowd will go bonkers, and that poor kid will have a slew of new devastating nicknames for years to come.
OK, OK, this last one actually has a fairly high mortality rate, but this person will die by his own hand many years later anyways, leaving your conscience sparkling clean.
I love hazing and I think it plays an important role in sports and fraternities. It makes me sad when i hear about schools cracking down on hazing. Kids need to just chill the fuck out and stop doing things that are going to get kids killed.

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