1. The Retro Gear Guy: A great shield for someone that wants to be a fan but doesn’t really care until playoffs. This guy may or may not watch the games, but he loves digging up a bunch of old shit from middle school and wearing it whenever possible. In case anyone asks, they’ve been a fan since ‘96 when their dad gave them a hat as a birthday present.
2. The Obscure Fact Guy: Sort of like the retro guy, but justifies his fandom with detailed references to obscure players and occurrences, like “Remember when Lee Tinsley pinch hit for Butch Husky and drove in Craig Grbec for the winning run against Montreal? I was stoked!” Little does the baffled and amazed listener know, Obscure Fact Guy saw that game on NESN Red Sox classics the day before.
3. The Recent Die-Hard: A guy you've known your whole life but started bleeding Boston Sports sometime around 2003. They are now legitimate fans, but have no clue what happened before Grady Little or Bill Belichik. This has actually become an industry...check out Paul "Fitzy" Fitzgerald...embarrassing.
4. The Girlfriend: The same girl you’ve known for years to not like sports is now a die-hard fan of her boyfriend’s favorite team. There is nothing more painful than a girl acting like a sports fan.
5. Corporate Guy: Gets tickets to all the best games, sings loudest during Sweet Caroline, and usually leaves two-thirds through the game. Corporate Guy also retains enough knowledge to make valuable input in a sports conversation with their boss or a client.
6. Sports Hub Guy: Wildly opinionated fan of all sports ready to speak at-length about any number of invented Boston sports controversies that have recently dominated the Sports Hub. Basically a soundboard of all the shitty Felger-esque positions that radio hosts must argue to fill dead air. Be aware when challenging Sports Hub Guy, as he will have endless one-sided yet ultimately meaningless stats to back up his argument.
7. The Transplant: An out-of-towner that comes to Boston for school or work, and immediately adopts all of the corny traditions they perceive to be authentic based on Bill Simmons and Fever Pitch.
8. Pinkhat: Hot Mom/Girl that goes to a game because it’s the cool thing to do now. Once the initial thrill wears off, they go complain to stadium security about real fans that are “drunk”. Soon after, no one is allowed to have fun at professional sporting events.
9. Bruins Fan (Pre 2011): Roughly 15-20 years behind the times in fashion, acceptable social norms, and oral hygiene. Usually wearing bus driver jeans and a Bruins jersey from the nineties. These are a truly dying breed, please take every moment to observe if you’re lucky enough to catch one out. They can tell you the fifth defenseman for the Providence Bruins but cannot understand why first downs are good.
10. Old Timey: This is everyone’s Dad, a strange mix of eternal pessimism yet drunk on championships. Love the Patriots, bitches about the Red Sox, hasn’t watched the Bruins since the 80s, and despises the NBA because of “travelling.” Old Timey has no problem missing the first period of the Bruins game to find parking spot because they would rather die than pay for parking.
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