Animals You Don't Fuck With: Episode 1

The Nile Crocodile

Class: Reptile

Location: Most parts of Africa

Notable Characteristic: Some species have been seen swimming up to 7 miles out in the ocean.

Why you don't fuck with it:  Because they are fearless, and frequently prey on humans.  Not to mention the fact that they ambush elephants that are 8 times their size.

There is not enough money in this universe to persuade me to kayak down a river in which resides these might-as-well-be-dinosaurs that are known to hunt in packs.  But you can ask this guy what that's like.  Oh wait, no you can't because HE WAS FUCKING EATEN ALIVE BY A CROC.

Hopefully that monkey on his shoulder survived though.

Or, if that didn't scare you off from prodding one of these bad asses with a stick, you can check out this insanity that includes photos of a veterinarian in Taiwan who GOT HIS FUCKING ARM RIPPED OFF AT THE FOREARM BY ONE.  Someone had to shoot the the croc twice in the neck in order for it to release the dude's arm.  It's cool though, because according to zoo officials, "The crocodile was unharmed, as we didn't find any bullet holes on its hide."

Oh.  Really?  Bullets to the neck of this thing doesn't even put a dent in its hide?  Neat.  Makes me feel real safe knowing that this carnivorous lizard tank is chillin' in the weeds somewhere on our planet.  At least I'm on a different continent.

Don't fuck with the NILE CROC.  Respect.