Speaking of Freaks...

You might want to leave that monkey alone considering the fact that it can most definitely kill you and your poorly color-coordinated wife in the blink of an eye...

Ever heard of an Aye Aye?

what a freak.

Top 10 People/Places/Things that Never Lived Up to Their Potential

 10. AUDIOSLAVE

Exit Zack de la Rocha, enter Chris Cornell.  It really hammered home just how much Zack de la Rocha meant to Rage Against the Machine.  I'd even go as far to say that he was the heart and soul of that band.  Sure, Tom Morello is an innovative guitarist, but his music goes nowhere without the activist energy that de la Rocha brought to the table.  I still get enjoyment going back and listening to some Rage tracks.  Soundgarden on the other hand?  Ehhhh, not so much.  Also, Audioslave was a perfect experiment to prove wrong all the ill-read headbangers out there who think/thought that "rap sucks".  De la Rocha's hip-hop style vocal grooves made those tracks worth listening to, where as Chris Cornell's sad excuses for vocal melodies really just made me want to smash my head with a hot iron to put me out of my own misery.

9. GRADY SIZEMORE

Nice little look below at this bum's stats for the past few years.  Thanks for ruining my fantasy teams all those years you slimeball.  Drink some milk or something, for Christ's sake.  Oh, and this just in...

 

8. MACAULAY CAULKIN

Whatever happened to good little Kevin McAllister?  Such a sweet little boy and look at him now.  He was pretty good in that movie Saved I guess, but that's about as far as I'll go.  Personally, I think it was his role in The Good Son that really sent him over the edge.

7. COLLEGE

(PSYCH!)

6. THE 2011 MIAMI HEAT

HA-HA-HA.  (Enjoy this picture while it lasts though, because unfortunately, there's nothing stopping the Heat from a championship this year, BUT that doesn't mean I can't take one last poke at this douche.)

5. THE ARCADE FIRE

 I kinda feel bad (not really) putting them on this list because it's a bit inevitable that this band would become as irrelevant as they have.  Or are they still relevant and I'm just out of touch?  I have no fucking idea anymore.  Anyways, the Butler train blew it's wad with their debut record Funeral, and there's nothing wrong with that.  That was a beyond stellar album that impacted the collective rock music scene like few albums have since The Strokes' Is This It?.  That disco drumbeat started popping up fucking EVERYWHERE after your album came up, and that undoubtedly led to me being pissed off and maybe liking you less for a period of time, which is unfair, I admit.  In hindsight, I realize that I am a fan of your music, Arcade Fire, and I commend you for the feat that is Funeral.  Your last two albums were sub par, but that's only because you set the bar so high for yourselves with Funeral, and that's OK.  Oh, and please keep incorporating string sections in your music because the woman who plays violin for you on the right there is a mega-babe.  Thanks.

4. THE 2010-2011 VANCOUVER CANUCKS

The 2010-2011 Vancouver Canucks: 54 reg. season wins, 117 pts., 258 goals, 450 assists, 15 playoff wins, 0 RINGS





3. NETFLIX

 Seriously, whoever's in charge of this one, you fucked up.  What a phenomenal idea for a business, and what a royal disappointment.  It was convenient, it was cheap, and it allowed me to watch the entire series of Lost in less than 3 months.  But the movies are what matter the most in something like this, and why is it, on top of you jacking up prices per the number of DVD's I can have at a time, that the only movies worth watching on your shitty website are Megashark vs. Giant Octopus and Nic Cage's latest atrocity?

2. Y2K

2012, you better have something up your sleeve, goddamit.  We're already one-sixth of the way through the year and all you've done for me so far is supply me with the most pathetic winter of my life, and wipe one of the Monkees, and one of best sets of female vocal chords (Whitney Houston) off the map.  Let's friggin' go, make those Myans proud.  I want to be able to buy a gun already and not feel guilty about it.

1. LEN BIAS

On my second birthday, the Celtics drafted WITH THE SECOND OVERALL PICK arguably the best player in the history of basketball to never play a single game in the NBA.  Why did he never play a game, you ask?  Because two days after he was drafted he died from cardiac arrest from blowing too much coke up his nose.  This Celts had won a championship literally a few weeks prior to drafting Bias.  Little did we know at the time, but it would be more than two long decades before the Celts won another title.   How many more would they have won if Bias had decided to work on his jump shot that night instead of blow lines up his nose?  One?  Two?  We'll never know.  I'll tell you what though, if there's a Heaven, one of the first things I do is tell God to hit the reset button on that fucking night and simulate that situation to find out.

DON'T BE NAIVE.

This Guy Knows What's Up

Liquid Ventilation: Turning Humans into Fish...literally

If you're interested, read this article about "liquid ventilation" where doctors could implant mechanical "gills" into veins humans' thighs in order to allow the to dive greater depths in water.  It already plays a huge role in helping save babies born prematurely.

http://www.independent.co.uk/news/science/into-the-abyss-the-diving-suit-that-turns-men-into-fish-2139167.html

Notable Tweets

"bspikes55 Brandon Spikes

Congratulation to Ice Cube! I'm glad he made it all the way through Anaconda!! #JustSayin 👍

18 minutes ago Favorite Retweet Reply"

True Dat B-Spikes! 

Ye Has Risen

Fuck, Marry, Kill: Oakland Raiders Edition

Even if there was a gun being held to my head, I still don't think I could give a definitive answer here.

I think it's a given you have to kill Al Davis due to the fact that he was a legit zombie, even when he was "alive" for those final 20 years. But after that, your only options left are to either "marry" or "fuck" one of the most blatantly-unstable-as-evidenced-by-my-haircut human beings I've ever seen in my life, or Reggie McKenzie - a not-sure-exactly-what-it-is-but-somethin's-up lookin' fella.






Al Davis





Al Davis' Son




The New Raiders GM

Hey Arnold!

Hey Arnold, what's up with you disrupting all the other passengers on the freakin' plane????

No biggie, just try to keep it down next time.

HE WALKKKKEDDD!!!!!

We all know Tommy Heinsohn is an absurd homer. We know he hates the refs. We know he hates people. But if you've never seen this rant, you are missing out on the ultimate in Tommy Heinsohn insanity. This is from 2003, and Tommy proves how entertaining he truly can be.

"Get Atcha Boy" ft. Delonte West

Apparently the Dallas Mavericks are on their way to meet Barack Obama at the White House today.  That's their reward for winning the NBA title last season.  Current Mavericks player/swag machine Delonte West was not on last year's squad, and therefore will not be in da house for the meet and greet. 

"I'm banned from going to the White House, so I'm not going to make it,'' West said after tonight's 96-81 win over the New Orleans Hornets. "But I'm going home to D.C., I'm just not allowed to go to the White House. That's what happens when you make bad decisions in your life. You can't go to the White House.''

I've been there 100 times in my lifetime,'' said West, who was born in D.C. "I live right around the corner. I live in D.C. It's going to be ashamed the President isn't going to get a chance to meet me. I'm the president of my house.''

Your damn right Delonte! It's going to be "ashamed!" Get atcha boy!

P.S. Dear God I wish the Celts still had this fucking guy.