Top 10 People/Places/Things that Never Lived Up to Their Potential

 10. AUDIOSLAVE

Exit Zack de la Rocha, enter Chris Cornell.  It really hammered home just how much Zack de la Rocha meant to Rage Against the Machine.  I'd even go as far to say that he was the heart and soul of that band.  Sure, Tom Morello is an innovative guitarist, but his music goes nowhere without the activist energy that de la Rocha brought to the table.  I still get enjoyment going back and listening to some Rage tracks.  Soundgarden on the other hand?  Ehhhh, not so much.  Also, Audioslave was a perfect experiment to prove wrong all the ill-read headbangers out there who think/thought that "rap sucks".  De la Rocha's hip-hop style vocal grooves made those tracks worth listening to, where as Chris Cornell's sad excuses for vocal melodies really just made me want to smash my head with a hot iron to put me out of my own misery.

9. GRADY SIZEMORE

Nice little look below at this bum's stats for the past few years.  Thanks for ruining my fantasy teams all those years you slimeball.  Drink some milk or something, for Christ's sake.  Oh, and this just in...

 

8. MACAULAY CAULKIN

Whatever happened to good little Kevin McAllister?  Such a sweet little boy and look at him now.  He was pretty good in that movie Saved I guess, but that's about as far as I'll go.  Personally, I think it was his role in The Good Son that really sent him over the edge.

7. COLLEGE

(PSYCH!)

6. THE 2011 MIAMI HEAT

HA-HA-HA.  (Enjoy this picture while it lasts though, because unfortunately, there's nothing stopping the Heat from a championship this year, BUT that doesn't mean I can't take one last poke at this douche.)

5. THE ARCADE FIRE

 I kinda feel bad (not really) putting them on this list because it's a bit inevitable that this band would become as irrelevant as they have.  Or are they still relevant and I'm just out of touch?  I have no fucking idea anymore.  Anyways, the Butler train blew it's wad with their debut record Funeral, and there's nothing wrong with that.  That was a beyond stellar album that impacted the collective rock music scene like few albums have since The Strokes' Is This It?.  That disco drumbeat started popping up fucking EVERYWHERE after your album came up, and that undoubtedly led to me being pissed off and maybe liking you less for a period of time, which is unfair, I admit.  In hindsight, I realize that I am a fan of your music, Arcade Fire, and I commend you for the feat that is Funeral.  Your last two albums were sub par, but that's only because you set the bar so high for yourselves with Funeral, and that's OK.  Oh, and please keep incorporating string sections in your music because the woman who plays violin for you on the right there is a mega-babe.  Thanks.

4. THE 2010-2011 VANCOUVER CANUCKS

The 2010-2011 Vancouver Canucks: 54 reg. season wins, 117 pts., 258 goals, 450 assists, 15 playoff wins, 0 RINGS





3. NETFLIX

 Seriously, whoever's in charge of this one, you fucked up.  What a phenomenal idea for a business, and what a royal disappointment.  It was convenient, it was cheap, and it allowed me to watch the entire series of Lost in less than 3 months.  But the movies are what matter the most in something like this, and why is it, on top of you jacking up prices per the number of DVD's I can have at a time, that the only movies worth watching on your shitty website are Megashark vs. Giant Octopus and Nic Cage's latest atrocity?

2. Y2K

2012, you better have something up your sleeve, goddamit.  We're already one-sixth of the way through the year and all you've done for me so far is supply me with the most pathetic winter of my life, and wipe one of the Monkees, and one of best sets of female vocal chords (Whitney Houston) off the map.  Let's friggin' go, make those Myans proud.  I want to be able to buy a gun already and not feel guilty about it.

1. LEN BIAS

On my second birthday, the Celtics drafted WITH THE SECOND OVERALL PICK arguably the best player in the history of basketball to never play a single game in the NBA.  Why did he never play a game, you ask?  Because two days after he was drafted he died from cardiac arrest from blowing too much coke up his nose.  This Celts had won a championship literally a few weeks prior to drafting Bias.  Little did we know at the time, but it would be more than two long decades before the Celts won another title.   How many more would they have won if Bias had decided to work on his jump shot that night instead of blow lines up his nose?  One?  Two?  We'll never know.  I'll tell you what though, if there's a Heaven, one of the first things I do is tell God to hit the reset button on that fucking night and simulate that situation to find out.

I HATE THE CANUCKS

Forget about the legality of that hit.  I don't care if it was legal or not, it was DIRTY.  The fact that the NHL has it's head up its ass on the issue of hits like this is beside the point. Bottom line, Rome could have made a long distance call back to Vancouver in the time he had to decide whether or not to pull up, or say "fuck it, I'm going to take a cheap shot at this guy and potentially end his career".  Unfortunately for Bruins fans he chose the latter and sent Nathan Horton's conscience into orbit.  He's lucky we're not a bunch of derelict Montreal Canadien fans here in Boston or else the cops might be opening up a criminal investigation on him this afternoon.

And don't even try to compare the Chara hit on Max Pacioretty to this.  It's not even close.  Pacioretty had possession of the puck when Chara rode him into the stanchion, Horton was able to make three full strides WITHOUT THE PUCK before Rome lays him out. 

The thing that really chaffs my nips about the Horton hit though (aside from jeopardizing Horton's health)  is how Vancouver loses Aaron Rome for the rest of the series, and that's not even a big deal!  We lose our second leading scorer of the postseason and they lose some useless ass-clown with a faux hawk?  Ugh!


Needless to say, this series just got 5 trillion times more interesting and amped my hatred for all things Vancouver from an 8.5 to a 10.0 on the hate-scale.  Talk about a wake up call for the B's.  As shitty as that hit was maybe it was a blessing in disguise for the Boston Bruins.  Vancouver may have just awoken a sleeping giant.  Sometimes these type of events are all a team needs to rally around and turn the momentum of an entire series in the opposite direction.  I honestly wouldn't be surprised if the Bruins won the next three games in a row. 


The whole situation reminds me of the Bruins' 2002 playoff run.  Not unlike the 2011 Vancouver team, that Boston team was stacked; Thornton, Guerin, Rolston, Murray, Samsonov, McClaren, Knuble, Dafoe, just to name a few.  The Bruins (#1 seed) and Montreal (#8 seed) met in the Eastern Quarter Finals.  In a heated game 4 the Bruins had won 5-2 to even the series at 2-2, but in garbage time of that game Kyle McClaren decided to take Richard Zednik's head off with a flying Lex Luger forearm to the dome.  It was cheap, it was dirty, and everyone knew it, including the Bruins.  They never recovered, lost the next 2 games and were eliminated.  Now it's 2011 and the Bruins are on the other end of that situation.  Let's just hope it turns out the same way it did for the 2002 Canadiens...