The Truth about Gout

Is it just me, or is GOUT totally on fire these days? I feel like I can't get through 10 minutes of television without seeing a gray fox in serious foot-pain or some guy walking the streets carrying around a humungous frigging beaker of green liquid. Don't be fooled by television, gout is not the new fever and I don't see there being any gout-breaks in the near future. But, it is serious and incredibly painful. If you suddenly come down with a case of unforeseen pain in your metartarsals and find yourself wondering, "Could it be true? Do I have a case of the dreaded gout?", here are ten crucial things you need to know agout.

Top 5 symptoms of Gout

1) Bad Attitude

2) Swollen feet/limps

3) Violent outbursts

4) bad breath

5) loss of memory

Top 5 remedies for Gout

1) Ice

2) Taking your shoes off under your desk

3) Cigarettes

4) Chicken Parm subs

5) Watermelon slice candies

Shameful Mistakes of Yore

I was thinking the other day that I should discipline myself, I mean really hurt myself for the following shameful mistakes of my adolescence, starting with:




Rollerblading. If only I didn't strap on those fruit boots that first time and let the wind blow back my......

"undershaved" bowl Cut, while I listened to............

311 on my disc man, then maybe, just maybe, I wouldn't have to......

strangle myself with my old pooka shell necklace.

In conclusion, for a guy who is of European descent, I really looked like an asian in my adolescence. However, that wasn't due to my own mistakes, as there was nothing I could do about that since God made me that way. Besides, chicks kind of dig it , I mean look at me now ferchrissakes.....

LoneStars and Drummies

Former Marlins manager Jack McKeon talking about Beckett and that slob Brad Penny in the Palm Beach Post:

“In between innings they’d go to the clubhouse to get a drink or hang out,’’ McKeon recalled this afternoon from his home in North Carolina.

“I said, ‘Hey, I got no rule against going up if you have to go to the bathroom or something, but get back.’ A couple of times I looked down the bench to talk to somebody and they weren’t there. They were in the clubhouse. So I went up and got them out and said, ‘OK, boys that’s it. We’ll lock the door.’”

Raise the corpse of Will McDonough. There's a new Texas Con Man in Boston.....

So Bad! So Bad! Sweet Caroline's Comes to Boylston

The potential apex of nauseating Red Sox commercialization has come to the Boylston street space formerly occupied by Fenway Cantina. Sweet Caroline's sits across from overpriced Jerry Remy’s and down the block from the annoyingly themed Epcot Center Landsdowne Street. Like Jerry Remy's and El Tiante, Sweet Caroline's is a Red Sox namesake, but this is different. This is the first time a false Henry Group-created tradition has spawned a shitty Fenway bar.

Al's the Man.

So wait a minute...you're telling me this guy wasn't already dead?

Look at all that leather...

Top 5 Most Enjoyable Reads (that I can remember)

"I got out of journalism because some sons of bitches bought my newspaper and it stopped being fun." - David Simon on his transition from working as a writer for the Baltimore Sun to writing a book.  If you're not familiar with Simon, he's the creator of the HBO series, The Wire, and his book The Corner which he co-wrote with Ed Burns is basically The Wire in a nutshell, a true account of the devastation of a West Baltimore community due to the entrenchment of a serious drug market.  If you've ever wondered why we can't just win the war on drugs, or "fix" poverty, the income gap, or poor school systems, this is why.  Simon does a masterful job of displaying the intricate web our society has spun itself, the different players in the game, and the trickle down effect of issues that may seem completely uncorrelated to the naked eye.

 

Life-changing.  Literally.  It's deep, it's challenging at times, but it is eye opening in the way you live your life on so many levels.  The book itself is actually a dialogue account of a 5-episode PBS interview series between Bill Moyers and mythologist, Joseph Campbell, making for a rather unconventional read.  There's certain people that just have that gift of captivating speech, and Campbell is one of them.  He puts things in such an interesting perspective that you forget he's even talking about ancient myths because the underlying messages resonate so heavily with our lives as humans.  I don't know if this book made me happier as a person in any sense of that word, but it definitely gave me a better sense of what it means to be happy and what it means to be alive.

Don't let David Lynch's 1984 film adaptation turn you off.  The Dune universe created by Frank Herbert is like nothing I've ever be exposed to.  It's unfathomable how much detail goes into each of the Dune novels, which is one of the many ingredients that makes them so wonderful to read.  In the second book of the series, Messiah captivates from the opening chapter and ends in thrilling conclusion.  It's my favorite Dune book and definitely the one that got me hooked.  If you're a sucker for any sort series, like I am, then I highly recommend the (first six) Dune novels.

This is the best book I've ever read.  I don't understand how you can even create a literary work such as this.  It's mentioned on so many "best novels of all time" lists that I felt pretentious reading it at first.  I even got made fun of on more than one occasion by people who noticed me reading it.   Prior to picking it up I was skeptical for sure.  So many "classic"  novels that I've read or attempted to read in the past have fallen short with me, simply on the fact that they were written over 70 years ago, I live in the 21st century, and we have absolutely nothing in common.  Not the case with Ayn Rand's The Fountainhead, which makes it even that much more of an accomplishment considering it was created in 1943.  The premise of the story revolves around protagonist, Howard Roark, a young architect who refuses to compromise his beliefs or the integrity of his work for the sake of fame or financial security.  Roark is Nicolaus Copernicus.  He is Neil Young and Bill Belichick; people who live their lives on their own terms, refusing to apologize or make concessions for anyone about what is expected of them, no matter what ends it may lead to. (Interesting note: the original manuscript was rejected by the first 12 publishers it was presented to.  Eventually a young editor named Archibald Ogden risked his job to get the novel published.  How fitting, no?)

--> WHAT IT'S LIKE:
This was the first Philip K. Dick book that I ever read and is still my favorite work of his.  While loaded with David Lynch-like "is this really happening?" moments, Dick supplies a cohesive plot that keeps you turning the pages, as opposed to Lynch's more "make-of-it-what-you-will" approach.  Lots of philosophical questions raised in this one, if that's your cup of tea.  It'll leave you questioning...well, everything really.  Read the book for the last few pages alone.


WHAT IT BRINGS TO MIND:
I love science-fiction.  There's not much sci-fi, if any, that I won't test the waters of.  The one thing about modern sci-fi that bugs me though is that with every movie I see or book I read, I feel like I've already been taken to that place.  To be fair, we're all standing on the shoulders of giants to some degree; no skyscrapers without the Great Pyramids, no Beatles without Chuck Berry, no PB & J without sliced bread (you get the idea).  Even Terminator's basic premise was taken from the original TV series Battlestar Galactica.  But I'll use the TV show, Lost, as an example, which totally rips off Philip K. Dick's Ubik in multiple ways without reservation, even mentioning a Dick novel in one episode.  Unfortunately I got sucked into Lost, ultimately wishing that I could have back the 50+ hours of my life that I devoted to it.  Over the course of my Lost experience, I couldn't stop thinking of Ubik.  Both plots start similarly - a plane crash in Lost, a bomb explosion in Ubik, and subsequently a variety of events that follow leaving both the characters and reader/viewer wondering whether each is really happening or not.  Now, where Ubik succeeds and Lost fails lies in their conclusions (neither of which I will spoil for you).  My point is, if you want the experience of either of these, just save yourself the time and read some old sci-fi, because everything today feels like a regurgitated mishmash of what's already been done.  Which is why movies like Duncan Jones' Moon and Neill Blomkamp's District 9 were such welcome additions to the genre.  They definitely retained the classic sci-fi elements, but introduced new thought-provoking spins which is really what makes them worth watching, not just because they're science fiction.  The best works of art are said to reflect the current world around us, and while some of the themes of older works still hold up today, I really don't see the need to continue to rehash them over and over again (unless, of course, if it's really well done, like The Road).  Moon touches on hidden corporate agendas (i.e. every business on the planet), the withholding of information by the powers at be (i.e. every news outlet on the planet), and what I feel to be one of the most interesting topics in our world today: cloning.  Everyone does realize that humans successfully cloned another living entity, right?  That blows my miiiiiiind.  And it blows my mind even further that no one ever really talks about it anymore.  There's no doubt in my mind that some government on the planet has cloned a human at some point, regardless of what was done with him/her/it afterwards.  If you think otherwise, you're naive.

Total Creepz

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