Note: My buddy wrote this years ago, but I had to re-post it because it is fucking hilarious.
For those of us who grew up in the 1990s, very few things were more frustrating than watching our favorite TV shows and not seeing the 2 people bang that should have been banging. Here’s my personal list of couples that never got it on, but totally should have.
Boy Meets World: Topanga Lawrence and Shawn Hunter
Hey baby, they call me Rider Strong for a reason.
I know what you’re thinking: what about poor Cory Matthews? If his best friend and lifelong soul-mate got together, that would break his poor little sensitive heart. Well let me tell you something about Cory Matthews—he was a little fucking dweeb. What with his feminine brillo-pad of a head and all. He, by his own admission, never sealed the deal with Topanga until they got married at the end, and that’s absurd. Look, I’m a huge proponent of abstinence and family values, but give me a break. Topanga Lawrence is way too much talent to be wasting away, especially in her prime. You don’t draft the number one overall pick, sign her to a huge contract, and never take her off of the bench. It’s bad business.
Meanwhile, you know Shawn Hunter would have hit that. He was the classic ne’er-do-well bad boy, he would have lit her up by freshman year. Plus, when you combine his ruffian attitude with Topanga’s eccentricities, you get a recipe for some fireworks. And as an added bonus, since he exhibited all the classic signs of a future wife-beater, the chances are pretty good that he would have scared her into submission before she put on the extra weight during the last year.
