Holiday Retail Associate - Hanover Mall KB Toys - 2000
This was my first real job, I applied for it the day I got my license. No idea why, just decided that KB toys might be a good place to work because some kid in my spanish class worked there and he wasn’t a bad guy. I quickly learned that the job had its perks--scoping babes at the food court, stuffing generic PS1 memory cartridges in my pocket while my dickhead boss listened to Linkin Park in the “breakroom,” and drinking the only candy sold in the store (which always came in non-solid form). But it wasn’t all fun and misdemeanors. First, the fucking KB Toys Christmas mix played on repeat. When you’re spending eight hours of a saturday stocking shelves and answering question about something called X Box that doesn’t come out for two more years, the last thing you want to hear is “Santa Baby” for the seventh time. Second, this time period was the apex of Captain Morgan consumption. I distinctly remember coming into work feeling like a spiced rum and sugar zombie covered in McDonald’s breakfast sandwich residue. Between my own breath, the smell of mall retail, and the average physical attractiveness of my full-adult colleagues--I usually pledged sobriety until the following weekend. Third, there was a leadership coup just after Thanksgiving where the easy-going Kate was replaced by the Iron-fisted Eric, and my shenanigans were no longer accepted, and I moved on.
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| God Hates Christmas |
